From the Interim Pastor…

Conflict -- Good or Bad?

Is conflict within the church good or bad? Many people think conflict is automatically bad. I would disagree!

First, conflict is absolutely normal. People are never going to agree on everything. If people disagree, well, then there's conflict!

Conflict can be either positive or negative. The real question is, how do you deal with conflict or disagreement?

Jesus' Advice. Jesus gives us specific instructions for dealing with conflicts within the church. They're found in Matthew chapter 18. "If your brother or sister offend you, go to them first in private," etc. The key is that disagreements need to be dealt with openly, on a person-to-person basis.

Triangulation. Jesus' advice may sound easy, but it's actually very, very difficult. What do people actually do? People rarely go directly to the one who offended them. Instead, they complain to their friends or acquaintances. This is called "gossip" or "parking lot conversations." The technical term is "triangulation," because a diagram would show person A offended by person B and complaining to person C, thus making a triangle.

I offer my first word of advice. Do what Jesus instructs us to do! If someone starts to talk to you negatively about another person, ask them -- Have they talked to that person? What did that person say? In other words, just by listening to gossip you are making yourself part of the problem. Gossip is really not acceptable Christian behavior, even though we all do it (including me).

Niantic's Record. Niantic, like most churches, does not have a particularly good record of dealing with conflict. I offer the Chancel Renovation controversy of 1995 and the staff conflict during the period 2000-2005 as past examples. Of course, dealing with conflict is never easy for any church.

Example -- Altar Rail. Let me use a minor matter as an example. Within Niantic, there is a disagreement about the altar rail. Some people want to have the altar rail up all the time. Others would like to have the altar rail down all the time. Both groups have valid arguments. What should Niantic do? Well, this came up early in my time at Niantic. I took the issue to the Worship and Music Committee and suggested a policy of having it up for communion Sundays and down the rest of the time. The Committee agreed and that is Niantic's current policy. Is this the "correct" policy? Who knows?! That is the current policy and it will remain so until a proper decision is made to change the policy. Suppose someone wants to change that policy? Well, they should begin by finding out what the current policy is, who made the decision, and what the reasons were. Then, if they wish to see the decision changed, they can offer their request and their arguments. Nothing is set in stone. But this decision affects many different groups of people within the congregation. No decision should be made without involving the different groups affected. A congregation must try to resolve any disagreements in a proper and appropriate procedural manner.

Example -- Sexuality. A more difficult example is the discussion about sexuality. This was not an issue that arose in Niantic. The issue came up because the national ELCA, last August, decided to allow the ordination of persons who were gay or lesbians and in a "publicly accountable, lifelong, monogamous, same-gender relationship."  This represented a major change in policy for the ELCA and generated intense controversy nationwide. It also has affected Niantic.

Niantic's Reaction. Niantic's Council responded by scheduling a congregational discussion of the issue at a congregational meeting last November, which was well-received. Then, near the end of the "Visioning Process" last April, the Visioning Plenary Session passed a resolution taking a strongly Traditional position for the Pastoral Profile of the next pastor. This action generated a reaction from those who disagreed with the strong Traditional position and led to the action on May 16 to remove the subject of sexuality from the Pastoral Profile. Then those persons favoring a Traditional position brought a letter to Council and spoke respectfully with council about their unhappiness with that action, requesting that the congregation continue the discussion about sexuality and take a position on the issue. Council responded by adopting a recommendation from the Mutual Ministry Committee that the congregation continue the discussion and specifically hold an educational session about the theological issues involved, especially the different ways of interpreting the Bible. The issue is not really about sexuality itself, but about how we interpret the Bible.

Further Education. Council has asked me, as pastor, to organize an education session about the theological issues involved, using outside experts as needed. I tried to do so in June, but it was not possible. I feel it is very difficult to have any kind of congregational discussion during July or August, because of vacations and lower attendance. I am therefore planning such an educational session for September. Please note that Council has not discussed making any kind of decision. The requested session will be an educational one for both sides to listen to the positions and to each other. Any questions about taking a position will be deferred until after the educational session.

What will happen? I don't know. To me, as your Interim Pastor, my interest is not in getting you to take one side or the other. My interest is in helping you to learn to deal with a conflict or disagreement in a Christian manner. To me, this means educating yourself on an issue, listening carefully to both sides, and discussing it in a civilized manner. Where you go from there will be up to the congregation. I have my own views, of course, but I have tried throughout to be fair to everyone involved.

I do ask for your prayers for me and for the congregation as we continue this discussion. And, of course, I ask for your prayers for the Council and for the Call Committee which is being formed right now. I hope to see you all this summer!

Yours in Christ,

Pastor Mathisen